From our own.......GaPeach913.....
Enjoy...
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow
job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and
said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls'
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold
a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter
asked if we needed any help.. < br> I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at
your nuts..'
My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned
beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and
annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start
behaving 'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee l ast night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with
my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind
me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter,
and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a
while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No'.
I kept thinking, 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I
don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said, 'Danny,
are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse..
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident? This
time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and
yelled, 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he
calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh
they'd ever had!
LAST, BUT NOT LEAST, TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female
news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they
were laughing so hard!
Ha ha..........
Summertime....is here. Afternoon thundershowers.....temperatures in the low 90's......humidity up near 100%.......and the flies.....oh the flies.
How did NBC choose to end its 865 hours of Winter Olympic coverage? By barely acknowledging that said coverage was ending.
